It sounds like you were placed in an extremely painful and frustrating situation where you felt both excluded and disrespected by your husband and his family. Your feelings are entirely valid, especially given the assumptions made by your mother-in-law about your background and your husband’s failure to stand up for you. It’s clear why this experience left you feeling hurt.
Being left out of a family dinner and facing insinuations about your manners and social status were deeply disrespectful. It’s completely reasonable to remove yourself from an environment where you’re not treated with the respect you deserve. Choosing to walk away, rather than escalating the conflict, demonstrated admirable restraint, even if your husband didn’t perceive it that way.
However, communication seems to be a significant issue here. Your husband’s response—calling you “unreasonable and ungrateful”—misses the core of your distress. He may feel embarrassed by his family’s behavior, but it’s crucial for him to understand how hurtful it was for you to be excluded. In a healthy relationship, your partner should stand up for you, especially in the face of unfair treatment from others, including family. It’s troubling that he didn’t defend you but instead justified their behavior.
To address this, it’s important to have an honest conversation with your husband about what happened. Share how the exclusion made you feel and explain why you felt the need to leave. Emphasize that your reaction was not about being ungrateful but about feeling unwelcome and belittled. It’s essential for him to recognize how his inaction contributed to the situation and understand that you need his support moving forward.
Regarding your relationship with your in-laws, it’s a more delicate issue. While you can’t control their comments and actions, it might help if your husband establishes clear boundaries with his family about how they treat you. Remember, you and your husband are a team, and disrespect towards you reflects on your relationship as well.
The resolution largely depends on whether your husband is willing to acknowledge your perspective and commit to defending and supporting you. If these issues persist, couples counseling might be a helpful avenue to explore, especially if he struggles to see things from your point of view. Ultimately, respect and communication are crucial. For your relationship to move forward, it will require open, honest conversations, with the hope that your husband will choose to support and defend you in the future.
